On discovering I have a sister
Quick question before we begin: if you eat a packet of Rennies too quickly do you get indigestion?
So, I’ve just found out that I’ve got a sister.
Well, a half sister.
If you think that unremarkable – which in itself it is – I suggest you stick around for the payoff…
You would say that, Saul. This had better be good
Growing up, my party piece was as follows. Aged about ten, I’d tell one of the kids in the playground that my dad was 70. “Miss!”, they would exclaim, “Saul’s telling lies about how old his dad is!” This I would brush off, following it up with, “and my brother’s 40”, leading the child in question to collapse in a bawling heap.
It’s always raised people’s eyebrows that I have a half-brother, David, who is thirty years my senior. David is 66. So imagine my surprise the other week when I discovered I have a half-sister who is 75.
That’s right, 75.
40 years older than me.
It appears she was born out of wedlock in 1934, when my dad was 19. I learnt this via my one surviving uncle on my father’s side. She’s alive and living somewhere in the UK. I intend to find out more in time. She may not wish to be unearthed.
I texted David on holiday. He sent me a postcard which read, “Your news about another ‘one eyebrow’ sounds fascinating. Like the crocodile, Christopher (our dad) seems to have been born with all systems ‘go'”.
So it seems my father had five children by four different women. He was the Ulrika Jonsson of his day. This does raise a variety of moral and ethical questions, but I’ll save those for another day/article/powerpoint presentation.
I trust each and every one of you is thoroughly enjoying this Ashes series. My friend has gone to the Oval today – the 3rd day – and I’m sitting here in her flat watching it on Sky. Which is unbelievably ace. We’ve also got tickets for the 5th day – though the way things are looking I may have to content myself with a re-run of ‘Botham’s Ashes’ on VHS.
Saul innit x