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London A-Z – Primrose Hill

Welcome to Primrose Hill home to the stars! Primrose has for many years been a byword for glamour, physical beauty and large sunglasses, and continues to attract the attractive in their droves. The Primrose Hill set is the term given to a small group of starlets who assembled in the area in the 1990s. Including the likes of Ewan McGregor, Jude Law and Kate Moss, the resemblance to their Bloomsbury counterparts is minimal, though I’m told Sadie Frost does design her own pants. On a personal level I once accidentally opened a cafĂ© door into Johnny Lee Miller’s face. He has since left the area, though I do not believe the two events are linked.

Primrose Hill maintains its village ambiance better than anywhere in London. Such intimacy is preserved via a network of check-points where a password is required only those in the know are allowed in. This keeps undesirables at bay this, and the house prices: only last week I saw a young couple faint outside the window of a local estate agent, though to be fair it was a hot day.

On such a day, with an ice cream from Marine Ices slowly melting through your fingers and down your arm, there is nothing finer than taking a stroll up the Hill. Those that make it to the top are rewarded by panoramic views of London. During the Summer Solstice your reward might even be that of bumping into a druid, the hill being a site of historic ritual. It’s also a great place to propose I once proposed to my friend Sarah that we roll down to the bottom. She said ‘yes’!

The Beatles song ‘Fool on the Hill’ is rumoured to have been written about a chance early morning meeting between Paul McCartney and a local fool, whose identity remains a mystery. Other citations in pop’s rich canon include songs by reflective mockneys Blur, artistically defunct dinosaurs The Rolling Stones and strategic sock wearers The Red Hot Chilli Peppers. Adam Ant, local resident and Goody Two Shoes, was barred from the Princess of Wales after an incident with a firearm a few years back, though I believe he’s better now.

If Primrose Hill were a person it would be Johnny Lee Miller with a flat nose.